“We have ways of making you caulk” - nazi plumbing instructor.

Thinking of starting a podcast so I can experience people not listening to me on a whole different level.

eating beets is a good way to simulate blood in your urine without having to contract an std.

Humans need to learn to set aside our differences and realize that we’re all Danish.

I can’t remember a time when my memory was good.

i always try to avoid weasel words like mink and polecat.

Don’t sweat the small stuff unless you’re talking about microscopic germs because those things will fucking kill you.

Find more cock-swingingly astute pearls @rottingkittens